


Tacit

by KuS



Category: MapleStory
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 02:30:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16845388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuS/pseuds/KuS
Summary: Alberkine. Regrets and unspoken words.The beginning notes have trigger warnings listed.





	Tacit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Freidynne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freidynne/gifts).



> Trigger warning: Existential depression/crisis, suicide.

The air was crisp and cold, chilling Alber’s exposed skin.

He stood in front of a plain grave marker, decorated by dust, dead leaves, and dead flowers. It wasn’t the usual time he’d come, for he made an effort to come every mensiversary. Last night was a particularly hard night, so he decided to come by.

He looked down at the grave, then up at the sky. The sun’s light was peaking out of the clouds, which it hid behind. Later, the clouds would subside and it would overcome its timidness to shine once more.

“Life still continues, even if you’re not here. It’s cruel.” He thought.

He kneeled and started cleaning off the grave.

“You gave everything to save this world, but now that the war is over, it really doesn’t bat an eye at your death. Even if your name is celebrated now, you’ll become a passing afterthought as time goes on.”

He sighed, watching as his breath become visible in the air.

“Was it really worth it?” His voice trembled slightly. He had an urge to tear up, but his eyes were mostly dried up from the previous night.

“I could’ve taken the hit. I was going to be fine.” That probably wasn’t true, and Alber knew it, but he attempted to delude himself with this lie to ease his guilt.

He finished cleaning off the grave and stood up again.

“You should’ve focused on saving yourself. A sinner like me doesn’t deserve the salvation you gave me.”

He let out another deep sigh.

“I miss you. It’s been so hard without you. Maybe this was my true punishment. The guilt eats me every day. You should have been the one to live. I think about meeting you a lot, but I know that you wouldn’t allow me to. If I did, that would make your sacrifice for nothing. Yet even so, I want to think that you’d understand. I don’t sleep well anymore, I don’t eat anymore. I cut everyone out. I don’t function anymore. I -”

A rustle in the distance interrupted his train of thought. Alber immediately turned towards the direction of the noise.

His heart skipped a beat and he nearly jolted, but he managed not to.

There, he saw Kinesis in his signature uniform. Unlike Alber, Kinesis wasn’t able to stop himself from jolting. Kinesis tried to give a pleasant smile, but the emotion in his eyes ruined his intended expression.

Alber knew the reason behind that pain. He felt pangs in his heart.

Alber turned back to the grave. The questions started coming in. “Why is he here now? Why isn’t he wearing a jacket in this weather? Isn’t he cold?”

Kinesis walked up to the grave. He looked at Alber, who was standing right in front of it. Alber took the cue and moved over a bit to the side so Kinesis too could stand before Ark’s grave.

It had been months since he last saw or spoke to him. He felt simultaneously eased and tortured by Kinesis’ presence.

Prior to Ark’s death, they were nearly, if not, an item. There wasn’t anything wrong with the relationship, but the timing wasn’t right. After Ark died, Alber fell apart. He couldn’t accept that Ark died because of him. No matter how much Kinesis tried, he was inconsolable. They went from being inseparable, to no longer speaking.

Alber wished to patch things up with Kinesis. He wanted to ask how he was doing, what he was thinking. He wanted to talk things out with Kinesis, tell him how he was doing, why he pushed him away. He wanted to tell him his full feelings.

But he couldn’t.

Even if their interactions this morning were little, Alber felt that he could guess how Kinesis was feeling. After what he’d done, how could he ask for another chance?

He knew that Kinesis was sneaking multiple glances at him here and there. What kind of expression was he making? Alber wanted to look over, but he wouldn’t dare to; he kept his eyes fixated on the grave. He tried to make out an expression from his peripheral view, but was unsuccessful.

Was it one of worry? With one look, anyone who knew Alber would have known that he was disoriented and not coping well. Was it one of bitterness or anger? Is he feeling the frustration from the fallout? He wasn’t sure.

He wasn’t willing to start conversation. He couldn’t. His remorse would not allow him to speak out, so he decided to say nothing and bask in the silence.

“Well, this one is alive at least. That should be enough.” He thought.

He reminisced in the times when things were better. He remembered how nice and soothing it felt to embrace Kinesis, how perfectly he fit into his arms. He remembered that charming laugh of his, as well as his devilishly handsome smile. He remembered when he thought his heart would explode from the passion. He missed that.

Wouldn’t it be nice if Kinesis told Alber that he wanted to give it another try? It would be, but that would not happen.

“I’ll be yours if you want me to.” He thought to himself.

His heart started aching, and his desire for what he would not allow himself to have grew stronger. It was too much for him.

His happy memories started being infiltrated by the ones that bred guilt. The images of ignored messages, the sound of his notifications and ringer going off, they haunted him. He had so many chances, but he let them all go. He really could not allow himself to go back to Kinesis, not after how he put him through that. He already decided prior that he wouldn't say anything, but now he was even more firmly resolute.

He felt that it was time he left. He prayed and ended his visit with these words in his mind: “I’m sorry, and thank you. I’ll come again soon. Rest in peace, Ark.”

As he turned to leave, he looked at Kinesis, who looked back at him. Seeing the goosebumps on his arm, he took off his coat and put it on Kinesis. Then, he departed. The cold air soon robbed Alber of his warmth, but he was okay with that. At least now, Kinesis wouldn't be shivering.

He resolved to stay strong, at least until he was a fair distance away, but it wasn’t far when he started breaking down. It was the right choice not to say anything. He didn’t notice until he got a better look and touched him.

“He’s so much skinnier now... Skinnier than last time. His shoulders were so bare.” He was anguishing. He knew that it was because of him. Alber put his hand over his face and started tearing up. “Why are you wasting your time on someone like me? You should go and be happy. I’m not - I don’t deserve -”

!?

He could not lift his foot to take the next step; his feet were firmly planted on the ground by a strong gravitational force. He was confused for a moment, but he snapped out of it when he heard footsteps running towards him. His back felt cold as he felt Kinesis press his face against it, embracing him from behind.

He didn't have to miss the feeling of his heart bursting with passion anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, or constructive criticisms, don't hesitate to let me know.
> 
> This originally had a different ending to what it currently is. It's only very slightly different. I wanted this to be a silent interaction between the two. (And I had troubles coming up with a title with the original ending.)
> 
> The alternative ending ends with Kinesis saying, "Wait, don't go." in place of the last line.
> 
> Small ramble/rant: I started this out with the idea of making it based off the song "Talk is Overrated" by Jeremy Zucker (ft. Blackbear). For certain reasons, I associate this song with Alberkine, and it is currently the song I'm obsessed with. I really, really wanted this fanfic to resemble it somehow. But it just didn't happen. You can kind of sort of see the remnants of the idea, well, not really. It's like when you start a paper with an outline in mind and you're like "Wow this looks good. This essay is going to be a slam dunk, now I just gotta X, Y, and Z." Then, when you look at the draft, you realize you totally went off in a different direction, or that the original idea didn't work, and now you're stuck with something that, while better than what you originally had, is not necessarily what you wanted. It's unfortunate.
> 
> Anyways, I've digressed a bit. This work was inspired by "Talk is Overrated" by Jeremy Zucker (ft. Blackbear), even though it doesn't really relate to the story at all. Please give it a listen, the guitar is great.


End file.
